when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
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