you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I think I won the penis lottery.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
