theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
