The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
