My sheets look like a crime scene.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
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He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
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I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
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