I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Randomize
