its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I think the secretary can hear it when I fart in the bathroom, how do you think she feels about that?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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