somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
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