She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
