I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
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I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
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Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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