That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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