I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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