just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
