"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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