i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
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