I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
