my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
