dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
