ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
where am i from again
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
