honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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