I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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