what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
