im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
