So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
All I want is dick and wine.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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