I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
