So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
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