my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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