i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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