I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
