just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
