Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
