He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
