i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I said "one day" and that day is not today
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
