I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
