Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize