It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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