why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
