toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
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