Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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