Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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