Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
