Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
