And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
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I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
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