I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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