Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
