moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Randomize