i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Someone signed my nipple.
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