He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
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