Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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