Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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