Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
