you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
