..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
