Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
