nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
