I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Randomize
