Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Never joke about your clitoris.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
