ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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