I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
