I can text with my tongue
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
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