Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
