Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
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The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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