Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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