What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
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