I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
The air was thick with penises
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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