so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
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