i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
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