so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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