so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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