i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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