It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
