the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
People with herpes should wear stickers.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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