why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
