the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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