is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
There r osticjed everywhere
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
