the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
