I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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