My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
