I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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