:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
