You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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